mocktheweekfandomcom-20200215-history
Scenes We'd Like To See
Scenes we'd like to see is the final quick fire round of Mock The Week. Because of his irish accent Dara Ó Briain is known for introducing this round by saying "Evryne" instead of "Everyone" as this round does feature all contestants. The contestants go to performance pit and Dara puts out a scenario we'd like to see e.g. Unlikely lines in a bond film and the performers come in with their suggestions. This round is one of three that has appeared in every episode, the others being Headliners and Spinning The News. It has been known for being one of the most popular rounds and many of the suggestions, mostly from Frankie have been cut deemed too offensive. Also during series four, Ed Byrne stole the mic after continuously not getting a chance to say his suggestion. 'Series 1 (2005)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Series 2 (2006)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Episode 7' 'Series 3 (2006)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3: The Anal Lube Show' Ill-Advised Things To Say In Court HD FB AP FB JC HD MW FB JC FB MW RH FB FH FB HD FB HD Things A Sports Commentator Would Never Say FB AP HD MW FB RH HD AP HD FB RH HD FB AP FB 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6: The Leg Show' Bad Things To Say When Leading Troopers Into Battle HD- 'By God, the Harold, England & St George, we must march to the music of... Shawoddy.. woddy!' FB-'Soon you'll be at home with your families.. in a jar, on the mantlepiece.' HD-'Have you been injured at work?' AH-'Right lads, I'll.. aah, pins and needles!' HD-'General churchill will be leading the troops in on this one. Isn't that right?' 'Ohh yesyesyes' FB-'Our best hope is that the enemy kills so many of us that they become slightly depressed.' AP-'Hello, I'm George Bush!' RH-' FB-' HD-' AH-' FB-' Unlikely Things To Hear On Blue Peter FB AP HD FB AH HD FB MS HD FB HD FB AP HD 'Episode 7' 'Series 4 (2007)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Series 5 (2007)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Episode 7: Putin, Henman & Konnie Huq' 'Bad Things To Hear On An Airplane' Frankie Boyle (FB): In the event of the cabin decompressing, oxygen masks will fall in front of you and untangling them will annoy you before you die. Hugh Dennis : Well, if you look out on the Portside window in just a minute or so, you'll see me. Bye! Andy Parsons : Get those motherfucking snakes out this motherfucking plane!! FB: Thats the first cloud i've seen with a ski lift on it. DM: The only thing less likely then surviving in the sea is the coastguard hearing the whistles on your lifejacket. Fiona Allen (FA): Oh, hi. I have a hobby farm. Would you like me to tell you all about it in the next 9 hours? FB: Louisa and her in-flight team will be looking after you today, and your hijacker's name is...Ibrahim! AP: Hold on!!! I've just entered us into the Red Bull Challenge!!! DM: Will the fat people please move to the back of the plane. FB: This is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit where we've opened a window! HD: I'm sorry due to unforseen Islamic fundamentalism this plane is being diverted to paradise! Russell Howard : Punch it Chewie. (Chewie Growns) The Worst Person To Be Married To HD: Baaa! RH: I love you lots, ooh let's see what Mr. Tiddles thinks of you, "what do you think?" (mimes puppet): DIE BITCH! FB: Brace yourself Agnes, it's that time of year again! FB: When I said I was a positive person, I meant HIV! HD: I brought home a video to turn us on....It's forgiveness age of steam! DM: You thought I was a Thai lady? Well you are half right! AP: Of course we're going to go out tonight! It's Hitler's birthday! RH: But he's my dad! We do everything together! FB: You want me to put my ding-a-ling into your fairy-cave? Are you mad woman!? DM: You can't use that toilet....that's my toilet! FB: He sleeps in the bed with us ok? Don't make me choose between you and the wolf HD: Please! Please Pavarotti! Let me go on top! 'Episode 8' 'Things An Athletics Commentator Would Never Say' The Worst Thing To Say When Running For U.S. President 'Episode 9' 'Episode 10: Nuts, Pies & Nim, Nim, Nim' 'What A News Reporter Would Never Say' Russell Howard (RH): Next on News 24, I'm going to punch a Zebra. Who cares no ones watching?! Frankie Boyle (FB): Rape, Murder, Arson. I've had a fantastic weekend. Hugh Dennis (HD): Here children just as young as eight are forced to earn a living....MORE POLISH MORE POLISH I WANT TO SEE MY FACE! FB: Here on the streets it seems Britain is completely in the grip of gang culture, this is John Simpson....FOR THE ITN MASSIF! GA: Can you hear the bombs falling? No? That's because they're in Baghdad, I'm here in Peckham HD: Reports of a mystery man loitering in the area....turned out to be me! FB: News just in; (confused) " 'Go to a break. Your wife just been hit by a truck'?" EB: And it was just a few feet from here that the shots were fired, I know, I fired them! HD: Well finally the power in Beirut is back on, the radiator I'm chained to is getting quite warm. FB: Even amidst the devastation of this earthquake there are still stories of hope...I FOUND A MAN'S WALLET!! AP: (in a distorted voice) I am actually in my bedroom I am trying to make it look like I am in Baghdad on a satellite phone FB: And I can't help thinking if my country was gripped by famine....I'd just move! Unlikely Letters To Be Read Out On Points of View HD 'Why oh why oh why, is the stucture of my chromosones.' EB 'Dear BBC, the other night I watched a light entertainment programme on your network that wasn't hosted by Graham Norton. Is he ill? RH 'Dear BBC. how did you manage to get those hippos to swim in a circle?!' GY 'Dear BBC, I am a Nigerian general with 30 billion pounds to put in your bank account' HD 'Last night, I turned on to your new porn channel... CBoobies..' FB *in a strange voice* 'Dear points of view, I would like to complain about the weird voice you're reading out my letter in!' RH 'Dear points of view, has anybody else noticed that Pat Butcher looks like honey monster from the sugarpuffs advert?' AP 'Dear BBC, when are you going to show nuts on the road, nim nim nim?!' FB 'Dear points of view, I watched Silent Witness with the sound off and it didnt make any sense!' EB 'Dear BBC, well its now 30 years down the line and I'm no closer to owning a robotic house-mate. Tomorrows world? Tomorrows horseshit more like! FB 'Last night I was watching Nigella Lawson. I picked up some good tips on breadmaking... and in the process, I almost ripped my cock off.' 'Episode 11: Money, Sex & The Lib Dems' Unlikely Things For A Royal Correspondent To Say FB: Isn't it wonderful to see Prince Charles being made king...at the age of 137! AP: And the queen there majestically taking her place in the queue, to withdraw her savings from Northern Rock! HD: The queen asked me if I was from the BBC and I said I was....and she told me to piss off! AP: There we see Prince Phillip going over to talk to man from China...this should be interesting! MM: In fact it's the Chinese premier, and he's just asked him for a menu. FB: Prince Harry hasn't been put off by the congestion charge, he says he still manages to come into Chelsea twice a day! HD: Well the crowd are absolutely loving this event, the night sky is dancing with light, yes, the queen set fire to Windsor Castle again... FB: It's great to see the whole family waving from the balcony....through the sights of my AK-47! HD: And as Prince Phillip cuts the tape to open this mental institutio...the doctors have got him! 'What A Rugby Commentator Would Never Say' HD: Oh and he's skipped through the defence and that's lucky because if these South Sea Islanders catch you...they eat you FB: Time for the scrum where the players can have a quick kiss, and exchange phone numbers. AP: And it's the coin toss, and Johnny Wilkinson has sprained his thumb! HD: And that is a massive tackle....wish mine was like that FB: Not everyone's been able to get tickets to this World Cup final, and we know a lot of you are watching at home, so hello to you: The England team! HD: Oh and it's bad news for New Zealand...Rugby Doesn't Matter! BM: And keep an eye on this ball as it hits the ground cos it's such an unusual shape it could go anywhere! AP: (imitating rugby chant dance) ''CILLIT BANG! KIA ORA! KIA ORA! RH: FB: HD: RH: HD: 'Episode 12' 'Series 6 (2008) '''Episode 1 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Episode 7' 'Episode 8' 'Episode 9' 'Episode 10' 'Episode 11' 'Episode 12' 'Episode 13: Christmas Special' 'Series 7 (2009)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Deleted Lines from a Fantasy Film' RH- 'I am Argorn son of Marthorn the heir to the sildor path of the fellowship of the ring, please leave a message after the tone' FB-'Ron had been suffering from swine flu, and people were avoiding him, luckily he was ginger and he was used to it' HD-'I don't know why you're so upset Harry, the original Dumbledore died three films ago and no-one gave a shit' RH-'Did you find Narnia in the wardrobe? No Edmond, we found your porn stash!' FB-'My friends we will never hear the words Mordor again.....Taggart has been cancelled!' LP-'No Harry it's not a five headed dog, it's Girls Aloud' HD-'I am Aslan....formed by the merger of Asda and Matalan!' FB-'We had only been there for a day but to us it felt like 50 years...THAT'S BIRMINGHAM!' HD-'Did you honestly think i could be defeated by someone younger? I...AM ARLENE PHILLIPS!' AP-'Welcome to Mordor...twinned with Swansea' GD -''(embracing Lucy Porter )'' 'This will never work Frodo' (First ever scene with two people) FB-'In the wardrobe we found a magical compartment that led to, The Fritzl Family' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Episode 7' 'Episode 8' 'Episode 9' 'Episode 10' 'Episode 11' 'Episode 12' 'Episode 13: Christmas Special' 'Series 8 (2010)' 'Episode 1' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' 'Series 9 (2010)' Episode 1' Commercials That Never Aired AP- 'Our website shows the complete range of pubic wigs, comparethemerkin.com!' RH-'Want to dress like you've got no GCSES? Come on down to JJB!' HD-''(quickly) 'This ad may be thoroughly misleading, the product may not work and may burn your face off!' MJ-''(In a deep raspy voice)'' 'Carlsberg....don't do liver transplants....but if they ''did RH-'Fed up with your dull grey hair? Get use to it, you're a squirrel!' DM-'The Daily Star, because it's cheaper than toilet paper' CA-'Have you been injured in a trip or fall? Would you like to be injured in a trip or fall?...Call Barry' HD-'Incest, Just Do It' AP-'Marmite, you either love it or you hate it or you think it's ok...but you'd rather have Marmalade' RH-''(Holding two hands down smiling)'' 'I'm a rabbit and they test make-up on me....but I don't mind cos I'm a bit of a slag' CA -Burger King, because you can't taste anything when you're pissed! HD-'Have you got long dry hair? Could we stuff it down an oil well?' AP-'Oi Churchill! Have you been rubbing your arse on the carpet again?' DM-'Hello I'm Carol Vorderman and this is my grandmother, Yes! I will literally sell anything' MJ-'I used to drink Strongbow Cider with my mate Dave but...he was killed by an arrow' RH-'It's Christmas everyday with new Brussels Sprout flavour condoms....Mmm taste's like Grandma's ankles!' HD-'Do you want your erecticle dysfunction dealt with confidentially and sympathetically, call floppywilly.com!' Things You Don't Want to Hear in Hospital RH-' CA-Um... who's penis is this?' HD-' AP-' RH-' You have acute angina and your tits aren't bad either!' DM-'And if you don't want to know your results...look away now!' HD- AP-'We're going to put you to sleep now, because you're old and it's the kindest thing to do' MJ-' CA-'Of course it's upsetting but you know, Hitler had one ball and look how well he did!' DM-' AP-'Accept this sacrifice O mighty Satan!' RH-'I don't like the look of the charts, Dizzee Rascal at number one' HD-'How many fingers? Two? That's right...fuck off!' 'Episode 2' 'Episode 3' 'Episode 4' 'Episode 5' 'Episode 6' Category:Rounds Category:The Rounds Category:Main Rounds